i just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read about Jem and say such lovely things on the last post. i cant tell you how much it’s helped get through the last couple of days. i’ve been inundated with phone calls, text messages, offers of support, tweets, facebook and blog comments… every single message bought tears to my eyes and made me realise how lucky i am to have so many people who care about me. i spent a lot of time with trent over the weekend and we worked through all that guilt (coulda shoulda done more) and laughed and cried as we reminisced about all the good times we had together with our stubborn willful adorable dog. i did keep possum with me over the weekend and cuddled her so much she got irritated with me (i love that about her). i checked her for ticks a thousand times and told her over and over again how much i love her.
if there is anything that death does it makes you realise how important love is. i dont want to go through anymore of my life without the people (and dogs!) that i love not knowing how i feel about them. everybody, go home and grab your loved one (whether it has fur or not), and squeeze them tight and tell them you love them!
and now i have to face the reality of actual shared custody of the other two, who need to stay together. this is the hard part, where i do whats right for the dogs and not what feels best for me. they are here now for a couple of days and i am excited, like a parent who gets the kids for the weekend and gets to do cool stuff with them.
im trying not to think about how stressful work was yesterday, how i lost my cool in an important meeting. im trying not to get stuck in the moments of sadness and loss that sweep over me, not just for jem, but for all the grief and sorrow of the last couple of years, the ups and downs of this year in particular. im trying to focus on all the good things that change can bring, and, importantly, think about my costume for this saturdays halloween party. its also my birthday, and there will be cake, and cake always makes everything better, right?
and if you’re reading this, and even if i dont know you, but especially if i do, i love you.