im still feeling a little like dorothy who got seduced by the sparkly shoes and then tornadoed into a parallel universe, but im taking small steps to get myself back into life as we know it. my problem is transition. i dont like it. i like to know where i’m at. but right now, i am in the ‘tunnel of change’ (as a therapist used to call it) and i think its going to be the nature of my existence for the next year or so, so i need to learn to live with it.

so i tried to do ordinary things this weekend, and ask for help where i needed it. that meant leaving work on friday night and driving to sydney to hang out in roseredville, and an intensive yoga session with knitdra on saturday morning (im so lucky to have such a generous yogini friend who’s willing to share her knowledge and practice!)

and then meeting up with jane and zena to go and see the latest addition to our knitting clan, little cassidy clarke.

and his lovely mama of course, so good to see them both well and happy. i even got to hold the babeee. possibly not a good move when youre regretting lost chances, feeling clucky, and the ticking of biological clocks already. but it was a lovely afternoon in the sun with knitting and portuguese food and good friends.

it really was a beautiful sunny weekend and the magnolia out the front of my house reminded me that spring is on the way.

for the first time in years im looking forward to summer. i feel like if i can get some sun on my skin, heat in my bones, i’ll feel better about everything!

so i spent sunday morning outside helping to build a fence so that the dogs could go spend some quality time with their co-owner. i’m hoping a return to shared custody arrangements might take some pressure off. sunday afternoon i set up my pop up yoga studio in the lounge room (thanks to al for the loan of props)

and got into my routine. it’s helping a lot, im no yogi, but just taking an hour a day to connect with my breathing, stretch a few muscles, is helping with the anxiety.

i’ve also been practising some knitting monogamy. this is unnatural for me. i have two skeins of beautiful sundara sock yarn in ‘rose red’ wanting to be socks and hats and gloves, but i really need to get the flaming june cardigan finished. while we were away last weekend i managed to get the body finished

the pattern says to sew the shoulders and knit on the collar now

but i took knitabulous’ advice and moved straight to the sleeves

this means ALL the finishing happens at the end. i think this is a good idea for me, to get all the bits together and then just spend a weekend on the fiddly bits. the sleeves are knit flat (although you’re hard pressed to tell this from the pattern. i know its a free pattern but really knitty, some pattern editing wouldnt go astray).

most knitters will know that ‘sleeveland’ as we call it, is a special kind of hell. you knit and knit and nothing ever seems to happen. but taking progress shots seems to be helping. this was the first sleeve friday night

and then after a sunday evening on the couch

catching up on the last four episodes of newsroom (despite the critics, i really love this show), this was the same sleeve sunday night

im just doing one at a time and taking notes, i’ve never knit things two at a time and dont intend to start now. i just need to stick with this and it will be done soon.

i also picked up a new car on sunday.

dont get excited. its not actually mine. its just a hire car that work arranged. im driving to canberra today and staying overnight with my favourite canberrans, before heading to the australian war memorial tomorrow to meet with the curator of the nurses in war exhibition and raid the archives.

i love this part of my job, it reminds me why i did my phd, and it gives me hope that i can get out of policy work entirely and back where i belong, in dark dusty basements wearing white gloves, arguing with dead people.

its the light at the end of the tunnel really, and it keeps me moving forward, one step at a time.

kxx